So step one, jumping the initial hurdles. I had already done a fair amount of research a couple years back when I was thinking of going to grad school. This is what I knew so far: I would have to fill out some extensive questionnaires about myself and family history; I'd have to stick myself with needles full of hormones for a while; and I'd have to have some sort of camera/needles/I don't even know what else stuck up my hoo-ha. Before I go wasting my time, am I ok with all of these things?
I know the questionnaire doesn't seem too problematic BUT it means I'll have to talk to my parents about stuff. I honestly don't know how they'll feel about the whole me-donating-my-eggs thing in the first place, let alone that announcement followed up with "so dad tell me more about how your mom died please." That sounds like a fun conversation. But you know, they might not approve, but I don't care. I don't need their blessing to do this and if I want to do it, I'm going to do it regardless of their opinions. So conversations might be awkward, they'll last 15 minutes tops and its over.
Needles. Needles and hormones. That sounds super fun. A super duper roller coaster of funness and joy. Needles. Is it really that bad? I feel like its just something you need to get over. Millions of people inject themselves everyday for various medical reasons. What if I got diagnosed with diabetes? I would get over it and inject myself with insulin because its what I had to do. I would get over it. Hormones. Eeeeaarck. I really don't like the idea of screwing with my hormones. My normal cycle makes me irritable and emotional and slightly crazy. God only knows what these kinds of hormones will do to me. But eh...I can be a crazy bitch for a month. Then back to normal. My friends will forgive me.
Cameras, needles and doctors oh my. INSIDE OF ME. Right back on that funness roller coaster with this one. But really...is it the worst thing in the world? No. Could having needles and doctors or cameras put inside of you possibly even compare to having a BABY come OUT of you? No. No it couldn't. There is no comparison. Its going to be uncomfortable for sure. But will it really be the most uncomfortable thing you ever experience in your life? Well, it very well might be. But if it is, I'd say chalk that up as a win because that's a pretty good life.
So check, check and check. Looks like all systems are a go. Next step is to find a egg donation company I suppose. And for the record I know that funness is not a word but I like to use it anyways.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The Realization
August 27, I check my bank account to see that my direct deposit has gone through. The direct deposit that I have had every two weeks for the last two years. The regular paycheck that I get from my regular job. Its not there. No money has been deposited. Instead, a tightness has been deposited in the pit of my stomach. Panic. Its 3 days before my 27th birthday. I have NO savings. 27 years old with no savings, no safety net and apparently, no job security. Panic. I can ask my parents for help, I know they would be happy to, but again... at 27 years old I should be beyond asking mommy and daddy for help. Panic. I am a grown up. I am fully an adult. Why don't I feel like one in this moment?
So it was a simple mistake, just an error. My paycheck should be coming through within a day or two. Crisis averted, right? Its just that the alarm on that wake up call was just a little too loud. I can't go back to sleep. I need to do something to get my self in a position where I know I have a back up plan. My mind jumps to egg donation. Then my mind is flooded with questions. What do I need to do? What is the procedure like? Is it safe? What are the side effects? Could I actually inject myself with needles? Would I even qualify? Can I deal with a little me running around that I don't even know? Its a simple fear of the unknown. But I made a promise to myself that I would not let fear stop me from doing the things I want to do. I make the decision to commit to it, take it seriously and find out everything I can and follow through.
So that's why I'm here, writing this blog. For better or worse, I'm going to document this process. The emotions, the questions, the procedures (if I make it that far!) are going to be put out on the table.
So it was a simple mistake, just an error. My paycheck should be coming through within a day or two. Crisis averted, right? Its just that the alarm on that wake up call was just a little too loud. I can't go back to sleep. I need to do something to get my self in a position where I know I have a back up plan. My mind jumps to egg donation. Then my mind is flooded with questions. What do I need to do? What is the procedure like? Is it safe? What are the side effects? Could I actually inject myself with needles? Would I even qualify? Can I deal with a little me running around that I don't even know? Its a simple fear of the unknown. But I made a promise to myself that I would not let fear stop me from doing the things I want to do. I make the decision to commit to it, take it seriously and find out everything I can and follow through.
So that's why I'm here, writing this blog. For better or worse, I'm going to document this process. The emotions, the questions, the procedures (if I make it that far!) are going to be put out on the table.
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